This post may sound foolish to some, but it's important to me (and it is
my blog after all)! I feel like I may have made some big progress this week!
I have been struggling with my "healthiness journey" for some time now. I was doing great for a while, but had some health problems and "fell off the wagon". I am now back at the weight I started when I began this journey almost 2 years ago. For the past year, I have struggled with knowing that I want to work out & eat nutritiously, but yet always find excuses not to. I have learned SO much about myself over this time.
So, onto my "lightbulb moment":
I had a fitness assessment scheduled over 2 weeks ago. I was dreading it as I knew the numbers would be up and not something I wanted to see. So, when the day arrived, I sent an email to my trainer to reschedule (excuses that day were that it was so hot that I would be retaining water, too hot to bother, etc.). Of course, after doing that all I could think about was how I felt bad about not going. So, when the 2nd date rolled around, guess what? I rescheduled again (excuse this time: just didn't feel like it). Well, I think Jameson realized what I was doing because he sent me an email back saying "I'm seeing a pattern Nicole--hopefully we can work out together Tuesday at 7 AM as well! Have a great weekend!". Oops-he's onto me. So then I had a moment where I thought-you know what? I need to own up to this and take accountability. So, I replied that yes-he was correct. There was definitely a pattern. I also added "admitting it is the first step, right?". So, from that moment I decided that I needed to just do this-get it over with and move forward. I obviously can't change anything at that point but I can move forward.
Wednesday rolls around (I had gone in and worked out with him on Tuesday morning at 7 for bonus points LOL) and I have an appointment at 9:00 with Jameson. I get changed and head over to the gym. I go in and tell him that I'm really dreading this. He asked why and we got into a really great conversation about what my goals are. I told him that being weighed and having measurements taken could go one of two ways: it would either motivate me or discourage me. I told him that after working out the day before I felt SO good all day. I truly want to feel that way, but for some reason I keep avoiding it. I also told him that it's like I have this little voice in my head saying "oh, why bother" whenever I think about making a decision to work out or choosing the nutritious food over the crap food. He asked me (and this is where the first lightbulb moment happened) if it was because I know it's going to take a long time and I would prefer to have instant gratification. DING DING DING! That's absolutely it! I am all about instant gratification. So, we talked for a while about making a plan. Then, I decided to take a step. I (quietly) told him that I had booked an hour for this appointment, so we could work out if he had time. So, we did. We also discussed my preferred time of working out. I much prefer to do it first thing in the morning. That way, I feel great & energized all day. If it's later in the day, there is a
good, let's be honest here-100% chance I will find an "excuse" to not do it! Then he told me that he had an available appointment the next morning at...are you ready for this one...6:30 am. As in the morning. Yikes. I took it. I told him-you know-I can do this! I figured Anand could take the girls to daycare and that way I could just get to the gym before work. So, we worked out, I felt great and went back to work. All was well.
I went back to work, felt great all day and went home that evening. I got my gym bag packed and got everything ready for the next (early) morning. Anand had an appointment in Boston the next morning, so he told me early the next morning that he would not be able to bring the girls to daycare since he had to leave earlier than expected. I'm lying in bed thinking-what are my options here? I can cancel my appointment and then think about what a loser I am for not fulfilling my obligation to myself or I can suck it up and make it happen! So, what's a mom to do? I woke up the girls and asked them if they wanted to go to the gym with Mommy. They were super excited and jumped up out of bed and got ready. We were at the gym at 6:20 am-10 minutes ahead of schedule! I had an awesome workout, took the girls to daycare, and then went to work (and I got there on time, no less!). I was feeling SO EMPOWERED! I kept thinking to myself-I can do this. I can do ANYTHING! I was full of energy-dancing, singing, getting work done.
Then, the girls in the office decided to order chinese food for lunch. My biggest food weakness is chinese food. LOVE the stuff. And I'm not talking the chinese food that you eat when you're in China. I'm talking the Americanized version-fried, full of fat. Chicken fingers. Eggrolls. Pork fried rice. Yum. But then, I always feel like crap when I eat it. As in, all day feeling lethargic, bloated & puffy. NOT good. I looked at the menu and decided on the chicken fingers, eggroll & fried rice combo-otherwise known as heart attack on a
plate styrofoam box. I went back into my office and started thinking about how I would feel after. Did I really want to feel that way after I had worked out and was feeling so good? (second lightbulb moment): NO! So, I went back and looked at the menu and decided that if I ordered steamed shrimp & veggies I would still feel satisfied (and not feel like crap the rest of the day). I changed my order on the spot (and told Freda to fax it quickly before I changed my mind. LOL!). I ate the steamed shrimp & veggies (which was delicious by the way) and felt great. No energy slump, no bloated & puffy feeling from all the fat & sodium. I took control and fueled my body instead of feeding some emotional need. I felt great.
I am SO PROUD OF MYSELF! I feel like I'm back on track towards the journey to a healthy lifestyle.
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