Update from THIS POST. I called the doctor's office on Monday and they were able to fit me in on Tuesday. I went in and they took a health history and reviewed my records/CT scan. I felt really comfortable with the doctor and staff, which is important to me. The doctor came in and introduced himself. He told me he needed to probe & irrigate both of my eyes so he could see that it was truly blocked and where the blockage was. Yikes-I wasn't expecting that, but he told me I was most likely a pro at it now :) He went for the "good" eye first and I immediately felt the saline in my nose and running down my throat. When he probed the bottom of my "bad" eye, the saline immediately shot back out. Then, he probed the top and the same thing happened. Yep, it's definitely blocked. He told me I would need the surgery and Dr. Lonsdale was spot on. He explained the surgery to me and showed me a book he had with photos of patients who have been through the surgery. Seeing the photos relieved me in regards to scarring-you could barely tell. I was definitely relieved that I will not have any major scars on my face. Then, he told me that I may need a CONJUNCTIVODACRYOCYSTORHINOSTOMY, which is basically rebuilding my entire tear duct system with glass tubes. He said that usually that will require another surgery to be done at a later date, but I asked if he could do "whatever it takes to fix it" on the first surgery and he agreed. He completed the consent form and I signed it. He said recovery will involve some pain, nosebleeds and bruising and I will need to take 1-2 weeks off from work. He gave me some information to read and information about the surgery center and said that the surgery scheduler would call me within a day or so to give me a surgery date. I asked how long of a wait I would have as I've been dealing with this since November and, quite frankly, I'm over waiting. I just want it done and behind me NOW. He (and the nurse) said "about a month". I was not happy with hearing that, but figured I could deal with a month. I offered to pay, bake cookies, whatever it took to PLEASE get me in ASAP.
Yesterday morning, I was feeling hopeful and felt that a month is not really that long, so what could I do in that month to prepare? I could use that month in a positive way and get as healthy as possible prior to the surgery. Then, the ball dropped. I got the call around 1:00 yesterday afternoon. The scheduler told me that she had scheduled my surgery on JUNE 27. TWO MONTHS FROM NOW. I asked (more like begged ) if there was any possible way to get in sooner. She said she had placed me on the cancellation list and would call me if anything opened up prior. I honestly felt like I had been hit with a brick at that point. I got off the phone and cried. and cried. and cried. I called Anand and cried some more. Then, I went out into the department at work and started crying again. By some stroke of luck, I happened to have a meeting with Nancy, my wellness coach, at 2:00. My first thought was to cancel, but then decided if there was ever a time that I needed to talk, it was then. I walked over to Nancy's office and told her I really needed this meeting. We talked for an hour. It was great. When I go there, I felt SO ANGRY, DISCOURAGED, FRUSTRATED, SAD, and OUT OF CONTROL. I cried and cried and cried some more. For the past few days, I had been really feeling like I was at a breaking point. I am so fed up with going to doctors, going to more doctors, being poked & prodded, not being able to wear make-up, my face being swollen & puffy on the left side constantly, my eye pooling up and being irritated all the time. All I want to do is roll up into a ball and sleep until my eye is fixed. The more I talked to Nancy, the better I felt. I told her that I think the reason that I've been neglecting any sort of wellness in my life is because that is the one thing I am able to control. I can't control my eye, I can't control the waiting for appointments, I can't control when the surgery is scheduled. But, I can control my activity and what I put into my mouth. Now, if only I could turn that around and control it in a positive way. Now we're talking! I CAN control that. I told Nancy that I would like to take these 2 months and use them in a positive way. I want to take these 2 months to get into a better place physically & emotionally so that I will go into the surgery being as healthy as I can be and therefore, have a smoother recovery. As far as the "cancellation list" is concerned, I am looking towards June 27 as the date of surgery. There is a possibility that there will be a cancellation and I'll get in sooner, but I don't want to have the expectation that there will be one. Expectation =Disappointment.
All in all, I'm still ANGRY & DISCOURAGED. I feel like I am working on a plan for this 2 months though, so that gives me hope. I am looking towards July when my eye will be fixed and I can say "it was all worth it". But right now, I just need a few days to sort through these emotions.
No comments:
Post a Comment