"Deep Thoughts from the mind of Nicole:
Last night, I weighed in at WW and realized that I have lost 10 % of my body weight. YAY! Then, I got kind of "confused" though, because it feels strange to me. I don't feel like I am "trying" or really doing anything. I do know, however, that I have obviously made changes that have resulted in weight loss. I feel like my mind has shifted, if that makes sense. I feel like my body craves so differently now. This is the first time in my life that I have lost weight without feeling like I'm "trying" or not felt like I was depriving myself. I feel like I'm really listening to my body. (and of course, that makes me feel like it's too good to be true).
Next thought: So, this morning, I was talking to Freda (coworker & friend) about how I had lost the 10 % and she said something to the effect of "almost time for phase 2". I immediately-without thought-blurted out "Um, NO-I don't think so!". After I said it, I thought about why I said it. My immediate thought was that there is no way I'm moving onto phase 2 because then I will go backwards. Now, had you asked me a year ago and I would have jumped at the chance of moving to Phase 2-that was my goal-I couldn't wait and just wanted to get there already. Realistically, that is where I am heading-I mean, that was the goal from the beginning, but now it's like I'm scared that if I get to phase 2 I will go backwards. Typing it out is really odd...even typing this makes my mind immediately jump to "now that you've typed it, you will go backwards". (sounds like I'm definitely feeling SCARED-of going backwards)."
After sending the email, I met with my Nurse Coach, my Wellness Coach, and my Fitness Coach. They were very good meetings. This is my fourth year with ME First. ME First (read about it HERE) is a five year employee-based wellness program. You start the program in phase 1 and move onto phase 2 once you've made several changes in regards to weight, activity, diet, and wellness. After you have maintained your weight loss, you move onto phase 3. This program is a life-changing program. It's not a "let's lose the weight and get out of here" program. There is no magic key. This program is designed to change the way you think, act, and figure out how you became overweight. Changing the brain-definitely not an easy feat. If you open yourself and learn to be vulnerable, you will succeed in changing your life for the better. If you are not open to vulnerability, it's going to be a struggle. From the beginning, I've heard that once you find something that works for your body, losing the weight will be an added benefit to an overall healthy well-being. I really didn't believe it...I mean, seriously, I'm in this program to lose weight so that was my main goal. But, something happened this year for me. In my mind, I owe it all to the day I hit rock bottom with my never-ending eye saga-the day I was told my surgery would not happen for TWO MONTHS. I felt completely out of control, sad, frustrated, angry-you name it, I felt it. But, that was also the day that I decided that I was going to do what I COULD DO TO GET MYSELF AS HEALTHY AS POSSIBLE. Finally-something I could control -I could control what I put into my mouth, I could pay attention to my feelings, I could exercise, I could simply be. Something in me changed that day. I became "open" that day...open to listening to my thoughts, my inner critic, my body, and just being in the moment rather than reacting negatively against my body with food.
At facilitation, we talked about gluten and I decided to research a bit. I read the book "Wheat Belly" and was really interested in seeing how gluten affects my body. I mean, I craved pasta & bread all the time, so what would happen if I went off it for a while? I decided to give it two weeks. After THREE days, I immediately felt so much better. I didn't have the bloat, swelling, puffiness that I normally had. I lost all cravings for pasta and bread (they were previously staples for me!). I had SO much more energy. The difference I felt was truly amazing. People noticed-I got a lot of "where is all this energy coming from", "what are you on", etc. comments. :) My husband saw such a difference that he immediately jumped on the bandwagon. My body obviously has some sort of an intolerance to gluten, so why would I want to go back? Then, the weight started dropping. When I hit the 10%, I kept asking myself why I was losing weight. I honestly don't feel like I'm doing anything. People are noticing and asking me what I'm doing...I don't have an answer. I honestly think it's different for everyone and you really have to find what works for you. Obviously, I am making better choices at listening to my body and planning, but it just seems "easy". I still go out to dinner, I still drink wine, I still "indulge" if there is something I really want. I just make better choices. I don't crave things I craved before. I crave salads, vegetables, fruits. Food just doesn't seem to "do it" for me anymore. I don't feel the urge to eat something just because it's there. I know that if there comes a time when I want a certain food, I can always get it, but that doesn't mean I have to finish it because it's there right now. I have also learned that working out in the morning makes me happy (can't even believe I'm saying that). Starting my day with a workout starts my day on a positive note.
As for the "easy" part of the weight loss, my trainer, Tony said it best "your body is using what it needs and getting rid of the rest-it's working the way it's supposed to because of the fuel it's getting". How awesome is that?! And you know what? Jeri was right all along-when she said that once you find what works for your body, the weight loss will be an added benefit. It's true! It may have taken me four years to figure it out, but I am so happy to be on this journey.
I've also been doing some self-esteem work. We have been discussing this in facilitation and it has totally captivated me. I immediately got this book on Audible:
and picked up this one to journal in:
These books are AMAZING. Basically, what I've taken from them so far is that perception is everything. We build things up in our heads that are not necessarily true. The companion book is really cool because it guides you through some simple exercises to "take stock" of the positive things you bring to life. We all have an inner critic that can sometimes help and sometimes hurt us. We also react to things based on what we take in, which is not always accurate.
I also got this book after watching some of her work at facilitation:
Byron Katie is fascinating. You can check out her WORK here.
We're now working on emotions in facilitation. Interesting stuff!
I'm in a really good place right now and looking forward to what life has in store for me. :)
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