The Power of Vulnerability

Yesterday in facilitation, we watched a video. It's about 20 minutes and very moving. It's about the "power of vulnerability". Our assignment is to find ways to be vulnerable over the next couple of weeks. The part that  spoke to me was about how we, as humans, try to numb ourselves. It could be with food, alcohol, drugs, or anything you do to try to avoid feeling certain emotions. The problem with that is that we cannot choose which emotions we numb, so we numb them all including joy and happiness. Good stuff!

I'm linking it here so I can watch it again...

YOU CAN WATCH IT BY CLICKING HERE. 

Health Update

For background info, you can read THIS POST. I had the surgery last Wednesday (probing & irrigation and 3 Snip Punctoplasty). I remember hearing someone say that it was a "bad blockage", but that was about it. I went home and slept the rest of the day & night. The next day when I got up, my eye was still tearing. For awhile, I thought maybe it was normal. I waited until late afternoon and called the doctor's office. The nurse who I spoke to said that it was normal-it was swollen still so would not be able to drain properly. She also said if it was still tearing on Monday to call them back. That relieved me. Until the next day-it still was tearing just like before with no relief whatsoever. Needless to say, the weekend was not a good one. I knew something was not right since my eye was not swollen at all, but yet it was still tearing up just like before the surgery. Monday morning, I called the doctor again-they scheduled me for that afternoon. The doctor said that he knew he would be seeing me again. Apparently, when he tried irrigating it would just squirt right back out and it sealed right up immediately around the probe. Even after the 3 snip punctoplasty-no relief. He said that there is a bad blockage and scar tissue. Apparently, all those episodes of "conjunctivitis" were actually dacrocystitis. He does repairs, but mine is "high up" and he doesn't feel comfortable doing it so he is sending me to another specialist who has more experience. I asked him what the repair would involve. He said I will need another surgery-an external dacryocystorhinostomy. Basically, they have to go in between my eye and nose and drill to remove some bone and reconstruct my lacrimal ducts. Not fun. I left the office feeling completely defeated, discouraged, and drained. I know it could certainly be much worse-it is repairable after all, but I feel like this has been going on forever. I feel like I'm not able to enjoy doing things I normally enjoy-it's affecting my life. I want to be able to wear make-up because I enjoy it. I want to be able to look like I'm not crying all the time. I'm also scared. I'm scared that my face will be messed up-scars and a black eye. On the positive side, the surgeon he referred me to specializes in oculoplastics, so I shouldn't have too much of a scar. My appointment is scheduled for Tuesday, May 8 at 9:00. They are, however, trying to get me in next Tuesday, so I'm really hoping that this will be behind me soon.